Today has been a "not-so-good" mental health day.
Oh yeah, they definitely still happen to me too. I won quite a few battles against my demons, but the war never stops raging on in my mind.
A good analogy for my mental health is the never ending battle in the beloved saga of Star Wars. Yes, that’s right, it’s about to get nerdy in here so buckle up and grab your light saber. I use my nerdy obsessions to explain my mental health state. (Find what works for you, right? I use Harry Potter to explain a lot of things in life, too. 😂)
Obviously, in this comparison, I am on the side of the Rebellion/Jedi, and at this point I have blown up the Death Star- a few times. Much like the Jedi, I optimistically thought that was the end of it- “I’m all better now!”
But much like the Jedi, I was very wrong. Despite making huge leaps and bounds with my mental health and completely changing my lifestyle to a healthy, sober minded one, I still have mental health problems and I have to constantly fight back against them. Much like the Empire resurfacing again as the First Order, and in fragmented groups across the universe- my demons still drift around in the distant corners of my mind, trying to regain power.
If that analogy is a little too out there for you, then just take away from this that I am in an ongoing fight for my mental health, as I think most people are. I am absolutely winning, which is great, but that doesn’t mean its not exhausting, constantly fighting a battle that most people can’t even see.
I’ve had a couple rough weeks, but I’m hanging in there. I’m tempted to blame it on the approaching holidays, the pandemic, the politics, work stress and the never ending uncertainty of owning my own business and being self employed (and in the field of creative arts, none the less). But if I’m going to be real, and I mean really real, I know those are all just temporary additional causes for a problem that is underlying and runs deep. I can’t change the fact that I will have stressors. I can change my response to those stressors. And I am.
Shot by @goodeggproductions. I think this image really captures how I feel sometimes. What does it make you feel?